Meatball Extravaganza: Meatballs 4 Ways

You know what? I have a super hard time when I’m looking for a recipe online, and I click on the SUPPOSED RECIPE LINK, and I get four fucking chapters of a dramatic novel.

I made meatballs 4-ways, and the whole thing TOTAL took me less than 90 minutes from items in the fridge to items cooked and back in the fridge. If you’re looking for an easy food prep for the week, meatballs are the way to go, and they are so versatile; hence, this post. These meatballs are also gluten-free, and it’s not because I subbed some type of nut flour or whatever for breadcrumbs- I don’t use any replacement, because it’s a fucking moist glob of meat- it literally doesn’t need a binding agent, and don’t @ me. They are literally meat balls, and they stay moist and tasty without it.

Also, I want to add that with these ingredients, it’s really a choose your own adventure kind of thing. I get a lot of my meat from Butcher Box (if you sign up now with the link, we BOTH get free bacon for LYFE. Bruh, this is real) because I personally want to ensure certain standards and qualities. Yes, this is privilege, and I am aware. At the same time, you buy what’s best for YOU! We’re all in this together. Go organic or not, at this point, you know what’s best for you and your situation. Also, EXPERIMENT. If you LOVE garlic, go bananas and add more! If you hate the thought of fish sauce, skip it.

So, here’s how this works. Choose your base (1-4) or ALL of them you overachieving fuck, then the cooking instructions follow.

so many ballz

so many ballz


    1 pound ground beef
    1 pound ground lamb
    1 tsp salt of your choice
    1 tsp garlic powder
    1 tsp oregano
    1 tsp onion powder or 1/4cup chopped yellow onion

    2 pounds ground pork (I just used a plain breakfast sausage style)
    1 tsp salt of your choice
    1 tsp garlic powder
    1/2 tsp ginger powder
    1 tsp onion powder
    1 tsp Chinese Five Spice
    2-3 tsp coconut aminos (alternatively, you can use soy sauce, but that shit makes my uterus feel like I’m hemorrhaging)
    1/2 tsp Red Boat Fish sauce

    2 pounds of ground beef
    1 tsp garlic powder
    1 tsp onion powder
    1 tsp salt
    1 tsp pepper
    1 tsp grated horseradish - LOOK, THIS ONE IS PER YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Horseradish can get HOT AS FUCK, so this is not a case of more is better. You can always mix some at the end with homemade or store-bought mayo and make a dip if you need more zing. A little goes a long way.

    2 pounds ground chicken (I couldn’t find this in a store, so I used my Kitchen-Aid meat grinder attachment, it made the WORST gd sound I’ve ever heard, but it ended up tasty, so I’ll endure the torture.
    1/8c chopped cilantro
    1 tsp salt
    1 tsp garlic powder (there’s a trend here- garlic belongs on everything)
    1 tsp cumin
    2 tbsp Sriracha
    1 tbsp honey
    juice of 1/2 lime

    -MIX ALL INGREDIENTS WELL VIA HAND (I have to use gloves here because the textures of raw meat weird me out).

    -Since I absolutely hate cleaning up, I line my baking sheets with parchment paper. Alternatively, you can use mini cupcake baking sheets, and they perfectly hold the little balls while keeping the juices in place for extra decadence.

    -ROLL OUT DEEZ BALLZ. Size does not matter, except you want consistency. I shoot for roughly the size of the circle resulting from my pointer finger tip touching my thumb.

    -Bake for approximately 20-24 minutes. IDEALLY, YOU WILL BE CHECKING THE INTERNAL TEMPERATURE. Look, regulations vary. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU CONTRACTING ILLNESS FROM EATING UNDERCOOKED FOOD. Chicken needs to be at 165F. 160F is typically safe for everything. Feel free to Google it and do what’s best for you.

    -Let these bbys rest a few minutes, then enjoy! Obviously, you can do a lot of different things with dipping sauces and whatnot, so, experiment, have fun, and enjoy!